So, recently I took the leap. I (along with my children) made a decision to become a member of a church, to try to belong someplace. Before last year all the churches I went to didn't do membership, so I was quite hesitant. But the desire to be part of a loving church family was overwhelming.
This decision gave me such joy! To be a part of a church family is the most amazing feeling. It gave me a feeling of love and safety and belonging. How could I have been in the Church, been a believer, for 30 years and never had experienced what a loving church family was like? Shouldn't that be the way every Christian church is? And yet it isn't. I am sure God would always have His Church be a family that draws people in with their love and acceptance, and yet this seems to be the exception anymore. Sure so many churches try to draw them in with loud music, with coffee bars, with concerts, with drama - but what about drawing them in with love and acceptance? Not so much.
I've been so happy being a part of this family! I've been so thankful to have been so welcomed.
But then it happened. . . .more different-ness. More feelings of not belonging. Of being just outside the circle. Why must it be so difficult to belong?
There are days, like today, when I just want to quit. Just go back to the way it was before last May and be content in my ignorance.
But more than that, I want to honor God. So I can't go back to ignorance. I have to hold on and try to figure out a way to belong without compromising truth.